4 Mar

Everyone’s an expert on relationships – so I stopped thinking I was one
Initially that was just because I like to go against the grain – but then I started learning.
I cant really say I was surprised when I came across a list on face book of instructions given to Men on how to DEAL with their women including among other tips ‘Never say I love you first’ , ‘make her jealous’, and ‘never play by her rules’
Face book’s an amalgamation of all sorts of sexists/misogynists, narcissists and all kinds of people…. But the thing is that even from a chauvinist you will glean a nugget of simple truth when it comes to relationships and relating – So I decided to explore a few interesting thoughts from this list

One of the rules to men on this list is “YOU SHALL MAKE YOUR MISSION, NOT YOUR WOMAN , YOUR PRIORITY.”
In short; women don’t want you going around saying she is your everything! We in fact want to compliment and support a WORTHY mans life purpose and align it with our own (like Michelle Obama if you will). I think we must explore this a little further; I was raised to believe that whatever a man can accomplish – I can too – if not better and in high heels to boot!
A good woman would not be happy being a subordinate or less than her man, but a partner; A good woman knows she can learn from you but also respects a man who is secure enough in himself to know that he will learn from her- the utility of marriage and relationships has changed as the modern woman enters the work force and pits her wits against the challenges of industry, how do you expect her to make decisions in the boardroom, hire and fire, execute decisions at directorship level; and then come and kneel for you? Why should a man who respects and loves me (there is no love without respect)- need me to prostrate myself in a sure sign that he is more than I can ever be? I would want him to revel in all that I can be, glow with pride at his ball bustin’, bill paying, job creating wife and where my head gets a little too big to swiftly correct with no tolerance for my idiosyncrasies and flights of fancy…

So should you make your mission, not your woman your priority? Not really, ensure your woman understands and appreciates your mission but above all buys into it! Because the faith and belief of a woman in you will allow you make molehills of mountains. If she does not buy into it – listen to her reasons why – if they be rooted in truth and an accurate assessment of you and your skills, don’t scorn – probe and maybe you might both be better off for it!
You can always tell when a woman has found a great man- she has the confidence and assurance that can never come from a loving father, brother or male friend. She possesses a sexual energy that radiates sans apology, patience and tolerance to intercept life’s curve balls and compassion that cannot be eroded by the cynicism that has so poisoned modern society

But for all the women out there who are yet to find that man and remain in the wrong relationships because – some man is better than no man – I tell you never fear. Fear is the self love-killer. You will face your fear. You will permit it to pass over and through you. And when your ego-fear is gone you will turn and face your lover, and only your heart will remain. You will walk away from him when he has violated your integrity, and you will let him walk when his heart is closed to you. He who can destroy you, controls you. Don’t give anyone that power over yourself. as cliche as it is – Love yourself before you love him.



5 Responses to “LOVE: A BATTLEFIELD”

  1. Lindiwe Love March 4, 2011 at 1:58 pm #

    Hi Sean
    I really love your posts. They make my day. And yeah, you’re one of those women i admire because gal, you can do lots of things.
    Now, I totally agree with you when you say we should never fear and that men should respect and love us and not be intimidated by our strengths and achievements.
    However gal, a woman should be a woman. Your duties and responsibilities at work do not run a home. The knowledge and skills you use to manage your staff at work and run a company are totally different from how you should behave or run a home. Believe me, men do get intimidated by our money and success but should we make it sink down in their heads? really?
    What is wrong with kneeling for a man? if you’re uncomfortable with it, then don’t do it. But if you’re comfortable with it and you know it’s what will build your marriage, why not do it?
    I too was raised to believe that whatever a man can accomplish – I can too – if not better! But why don’t I sit back and relax and let a man do his roles as a man???
    I think we ladies are carrying a lot for nothing. let us just sit back and be ladies- and let the men do their part.
    Men are behaving the way they are because we have taken over their roles in the homes and have gone further to assure them how we are more successful and how we earn more money than them. eventually, they have been hurt and have decided to hurt and disrespect us too. if you love, respect and support your man, then he will never treat you like trash. he will respect you and will be proud to tell whoever cares to listen that you’re his beloved lady.

    • Seanice March 9, 2011 at 7:05 pm #

      Hi Lindiwe! thanks for your comments — i guess the question is how does kneeling for a man BUILD a marriage – I would be kind of appaled if what it took to build my marriage is me kneeling for my man! I doubt i could get along with a man who needed me to kneel for him to keep the marriage going.You make a very good point on the fact that the skills necessary for the boardroom arent the same needed in the home – i agree 100 percent but even in the boardroom its about making the men feel like men and respecting them to get what you want – make them think what you want them to do is THEIR idea – that is how women run the world without the men knowing that we do -! heard the saying the man is the head but the woman is the neck and who tells the head where to turn??!!!! So I am with you on being a woman and letting a man take care of us – the men just need to realise that a lot of the time we are doing too much taking care of them!
      I believe and advocate for mutual respect just as much as you do! so were on the same page there !!!

      much love

  2. mbabazi March 6, 2011 at 6:50 pm #

    nice one seanice. i strongly believe that Men and women are different and so are their roles in a relationship but none is less important than the other. the basics of any union is communication. once you work out each others expectations and both work towards doing that and helping out the other sometimes then what you have is a complementary relationship that works.

    @LINDIWE LOVE Fact here, marriages where husband and wife help out each other and are treated as equals have more sex and last longer than superior inferior marriages

    “Why should a man who respects and loves me (there is no love without respect)- need me to prostrate myself in a sure sign that he is more than I can ever be?”
    This is common among men who are not confident in their God given role and ofcourse the culturally uptight. too bad this hapens but a good man will respect his woman enough to let her be a partner in a relationship. i could go on and on about this..nice one seanice. thanks again.

    • Seanice March 9, 2011 at 7:05 pm #

      well put Mbababzi 😉

  3. Mel March 18, 2011 at 3:16 pm #

    The reason I love him most is because he doesnt look to me to make him happy. he takes responsibility for his own happiness and knows who he is now and who he wants to be in the future, I love him because he doesn’t look to me or anyone else to define him.

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